


Castle Crashers

by Leaf-Ears (Bosmeri)



Series: Into the Dorkness [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Comedy, Fluff and Smut, Hawke and Anders are gamer nerds, Light Bondage, M/M, Nerds in Love, Non magic AU, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rimming, Sex Toys, Shameless Smut, Snow Day, modern!AU, no mini tacos were harmed in the making of this fic, really big dildos, sexy challenges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 00:48:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6064474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bosmeri/pseuds/Leaf-Ears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alright, let's do this!"</p><p>Hawke's grin was brilliant as he stood in the kitchen doorway with a plate of mini-tacos in one hand and a pair of beer bottles in the other. He was shirtless, clad only in a pair of Star Wars pajama pants, complete with fuzzy Chewbacca slippers (last year's Christmas gift from Bethany).</p><p>"You're really serious about this whole snow day thing, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>Modern world AU in which Hawke and Anders are total gamer nerds who spend a well-deserved snow day playing video games and having some "quality time" together. Enter silly video games, pants-snatching, and epic battles over the last mini-taco!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castle Crashers

"Alright, let's do this!"

Hawke's grin was brilliant as he stood in the kitchen doorway with a plate of mini-tacos in one hand and a pair of beer bottles in the other. He was shirtless, clad only in a pair of Star Wars pajama pants, complete with fuzzy Chewbacca slippers (last year's Christmas gift from Bethany).

"You're really serious about this whole snow day thing, huh?"

"You bet. Snow days are the best," beamed Garrett. "It's too cold and icy to leave the house, so all we can do is sit around all day and play video games, eat junk food, and have cozy, fireside sex."

"There's less than two inches of snow and we don't have a fireplace."

"Mere details," scoffed Garrett, breezing past Anders and plopping down on the couch. Anders just shook his head and joined him, chuckling. He grabbed his controller (his was the blue one with the lightning bolts), and fired up the game.

"I call the wizard."

"What? Why can't I be the wizard?"

"Because I'm the best at it. You don't even know half the spell combos," answered Anders, stealing one of Garrett's mini-tacos.

"But the wizard is so cool," pouted Garrett. He sighed dramatically. "Fine, I'll play the barbarian." Then he added quickly, "But only if you take off your pants."

"Wait, _what?_ "

"It's only fair."

"What— how is that in any way fair?" demanded Anders, laughing as he dodged Garrett's attempt to divest him of his jeans.

"Come on, off you go!"

"Garrett!"

"Off, off, off!"

"Alright! Alright, you daft idiot!" Under the unrelenting assault of Garrett's squirming hands, Anders gave in. He was half falling off the couch, his back on the carpet and his legs pinned in Garrett's lap. Wriggling out of his grasp, he shucked his pants and tossed them in Garrett's face. Laughing, Garrett caught them and tossed them aside.

"Hey, there, sexy," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows. Anders rolled his eyes and tossed Garrett his controller (his was the red one with the flames, of course). He felt a bit dumb wearing just his decidedly _un_ -sexy snowman boxers along with his sweater and socks, but he certainly wasn't going to even things up by taking off anything else. That would be giving Garrett way too much satisfaction. And cold.

"Game's starting, stud. Pay attention, O Barbarian Battering Ram."

 _Castle Crashers_ was a pretty simple game. Kill monsters, clear the dungeon levels, beat the boss at the end, and collect as much gold as possible.

"Hey, that was my pile of gold, you thief!"

...And you could also steal gold from fallen comrades.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't let yourself get smeared by goblins and leave it laying around like that."

"Come on, I'm trying to level my Hammer of Smashing, and I was only, like, two thousand gold away," pouted Garrett.

"Consider that payback for taking my pants."

Garrett snickered. "Okay, yeah, maybe I deserved that." He grinned mischievously, which Anders didn't see because he was currently engaging two angry ogres trying to knock him into a lake of lava. "But it does make it easier to do _this!_ "

He grabbed the front of Anders' boxers and squeezed his dick with the practiced precision of a serial husband-groper. Anders squawked and flailed, yelping, "Garrett, you just made me fall in the lava!"

"Oops," cackled Garrett, whose character had just re-spawned back into the game. "Guess that means all that gold you left _laying around_ on your corpse is up for grabs, then."

"Don't you dare!"

"Just did."

The level ended with Garrett being a show-off and crushing the boss with his ridiculous Hammer of Smashing.

"Woohoo! I am the champion of everything!" declared Garrett. "Bow before my barbarian might, feeble wizard!"

Anders wiggled his fingers in his dorky husband's face.

"Ah, but where's your strength if I cast an evil spell on you, mighty champion?" he said in his very best villainous voice. Garrett gasped and fell over across Anders' lap.

"My strength! Evil sorcerer, I shall smite thee!"

Anders swooped in as if to kiss him, but at the last moment, dug his fingers into Garrett's sides and began tickling him.

"No fair!" giggled Garrett. "Cheater!"

Garrett was outrageously ticklish, which Anders exploited mercilessly. They rolled off the couch and onto the floor, almost knocking over the plate of mini-tacos in the process. Anders ended up straddling Garrett's hips, his fingers hovering over his sides.

"Okay, truce!" laughed Garrett, putting his hands up in surrender. Anders chuckled and poked Garrett in the middle of the chest.

"Now who's the ultimate slayer, big guy?"

"By all means, _slay me,_ " smirked Garrett, winking up at him. Anders had to admit, it was pretty tempting to just forget about the game and go run off to the bedroom, but he really wanted to get past the next boss so he could unlock the Abyssmal Tome of the Void for his wizard...

"Hm, perhaps I'll slay you later. For now, I'm feeling merciful," answered Anders, letting Garrett up and pulling him back onto the couch. He caught him in a quick kiss and draped his legs over Garrett's lap.

It really was nice just spending a day together, no agenda or plans, just time with each other. Their schedules didn't always coincide, so the excuse of staying home all day because of the weather was a welcome change from their often-demanding social lives. Garrett had even skipped out on that week's gaming session with Varric and the gang to be with him.

"Hey," said Anders, pecking Garrett on his whiskery cheek, "I love you, my dork in shining armor."

"Love you, too, babe," replied Garrett, smiling fondly. Then, since he was utterly incapable of being serious for more than thirty consecutive seconds, "Hey... wanna have a sexy gaming challenge?"

 _Oh, lord, here we go,_ thought Anders. Garrett's "sexy challenges" were his way of fueling both his competitive streak and his sex drive simultaneously. The challenges varied, but in the end, it didn't matter who won because they always resulted in sex in some way. Garrett's last challenge had been for Anders to make it through the entirety of _The Avengers_ with a remote-controlled vibrating plug in his ass. If he won, he got to decide what they would do in the bedroom that night, and vice versa. Anders had lost spectacularly (he blamed Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans in spandex), but seeing as losing meant being tied spread-eagle to the bed with Garrett riding him like a horse-racer, it was a tolerable loss.

"What did you have in mind?" asked Anders, raising an eyebrow. Garrett kindled.

"If you can make it through five levels of survival mode while I suck your cock, you get to fuck me wherever and in whatever position you want. If you lose all your lives or come before the end of level five, you lose."

"And if I do lose?"

Garrett grinned evilly. That was never a good sign. The man was a kinky bastard when he put his mind to it.

"Then I get to tie you up and bend you over the coffee table here in front of the TV while I fuck you open slowly with the big dildo. And you'll wear a cock-ring so you can't come until I'm ready to fuck you."

Anders' eyebrows shot up, and he didn't say anything for a moment. That was... wow. They had quite a few toys they used on occasion, and "the big dildo" was their largest and thickest vibrating phallus, used only rarely because of how long it took to prepare for it. Over nine inches long and tapered from the base to tip, it was ridged along the sides, with a powerful vibrating motor that was blissful torture against the prostate. It was one of Anders' favorites, but always left him walking a bit funny the next day.

"On a few conditions," said Anders after a few moment's deliberation. "One, while you're sucking me off, mouth only, no hands, and no fingering or rimming."

"Fair enough," agreed Garrett. "And the other conditions?"

"Two, _if_ you win, we're using the expensive lube, and afterwards you get to do all the dishes since I won't be walking for awhile."

Garrett snapped a sharp salute. "Aye, captain. Fancy lube, no chores tonight. We have a bet, then?"

"You're on," smirked Anders, removing his legs from Garrett's lap so he could slide to the floor. While he launched the game on single-player survival mode, Garrett pulled off Anders' boxers and knelt between his legs.

"Ready?" he asked, his eyes creased in a cocky smile. Five levels. Anders could do that, no problem. Right?

"To win? Of course," he replied with a smirk.

Alright, first level. Cave map, spiders and orcs. Easy.

As promised, Garrett kept his hands on Anders' thighs, using only his mouth and taking the other man's still mostly-soft dick between his lips. At first, he just concentrated on getting Anders hard, licking and sucking every inch of his shaft but avoiding the most sensitive areas. It felt good, but was hardly distracting, allowing Anders to clear the first level while only losing a few hit points.

"One down, four to go," he said, feeling pretty confident. Level two, lava caves and skeletons.

Anders felt Garrett huff a quiet laugh against his shaft. Then his tongue was doing wicked things to his balls, and Anders gasped, momentarily losing his concentration and letting a skeleton shaman hit him with a fireball that dropped him to less than half health. Shit, he should have said no ball-play as one of the terms. It was okay, though. He had three lives still. Suddenly, Garrett took one of his balls into his mouth and sucked. Anders' hand jerked, and he completely failed to dodge a flaming meteor. Two lives. Shit. It seemed that Garrett was done warming up. Taking a deep breath, Anders focused his concentration on the fight, trying to ignore what was going on between his legs.

He made it through levels two and three without losing any more lives. Level four, crypt map with mummies and spike traps. He was almost there! Just this and one more level, and he'd win! Sensing his impending loss, Garrett realized he needed to up his game. He focused his attention on the sensitive head of Anders' cock, pressing the tip of his tongue against the slit, then sucking hard on the entire head.

"Oh, fuck!" moaned Anders, both at the sudden jolt of pleasure and the fact that he just teleported right _into_ a spike trap instead of away from it. One more life. He made it to the end of level four by the skin of his teeth, but luckily he found a minor health potion at the beginning of level five. He was at half health with one life left and one more level to clear. He could do this. He was so close.

Then Garrett started playing dirty. Removing his mouth but keeping his lips just a hair's breadth away from the tip of his cock, he started talking to him in that low rumble that he knew Anders couldn't resist.

"You're so sexy like this, playing games with your cock all hard and wet from my mouth. Fuck, your cock looks so good right now. You taste so amazing. I love having your delicious cock down my throat. Wish you would come in my mouth and let me taste you..."

With that, Anders lost his last remaining extra life. He respawned back to full health, but in a room full of enemies with no backup lives if he fell. This was the last room before the end of level five. He just had to take out the spawning crystal that was supplying the unending waves of zombies, then he'd win. He threw spells left and right, freezing one horde and setting another on fire, trying to concentrate on that damn spawner meanwhile. His concentration was so intense that he barely noticed when Garrett started sucking his cock again, bobbing his head up and down like it was life or death. Anders did, however, notice when Garrett suddenly deep-throated him, burying his nose in his blond curls and swallowing.

"Fuck, oh, fucking fuck!" hissed Anders, just managing not to die as he was almost cornered by the zombie mob. He was hanging onto a sliver of life, but so was the spawning crystal.

Garrett took a breath and did it again, determined to undo Anders before he could succeed. He swallowed around Anders' cock once more, but this time didn't draw back for air afterwards. His throat convulsed as he practically choked himself on his cock. It was the obscene gagging noises that finally brought an end to the contest. Dropping the controller entirely, Anders wailed and grabbed Garrett's hair, holding him in place as he came hard down his throat. Garrett gagged as he tried to swallow it all, but made no attempt to pull away. He waited until Anders was finished climaxing and released his death-grip on his hair, only then pulling back and gasping for air. There was come on his lips and chin, and even some in his beard, but he didn't seem to care, making sure to lick Anders clean first before wiping his face off with the back of his hand.

"I win," he grinned. Anders laughed feebly. "If you say so..."

Garrett laughed and stood, stretching his legs. He retrieved Anders' boxers from the floor and tossed them in the general direction of the dirty laundry hamper sitting by the basement stairs. His erection was glaringly obvious in his pajama pants, but he seemed to be ignoring it for now.

"You can go ahead and cool down for a bit," said Garrett. "I'm gonna get a snack. Want a sandwich?"

"Sure," replied Anders, stretching languidly. Now he _really_ felt dumb in his sweater and socks and now no underwear. He remedied that by grabbing the spare blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over his lap. While Garrett puttered around the kitchen, Anders took the time to check his phone. A text from Varric, inviting him and Garrett to play cards at the Hanged Man tomorrow, and an automatic reminder from the vet about Ser Pounce's checkup on Monday. By the time he was done texting Varric and getting an answer back about whether they were supposed to bring anything, Garrett returned from the kitchen with their sandwiches.

"Cards at the Hanged Man with Varric tomorrow," said Anders, moving over to make room on the couch. Garrett's mouth was full of peanut butter and jelly when he replied, "Wha' time?"

Anders wrinkled his nose. "Empty your mouth, please."

Garrett obliged, swallowing first before trying again.

"What time? I have class the next morning, so I can't stay out all night."

"I told him that. He promised to have you home by bedtime," said Anders. "Speaking of which, don't you still have a ton of papers to grade?"

"I'll get to them," dismissed Garrett, waving his hand.

Right, meaning he'd get half of them done, then stay up all night frantically scrambling to finish the rest. For a teacher, he sure did take after his students.

"Alright, I'll stop nagging," promised Anders.

"You never nag," insisted Garrett, nudging him playfully. "You just remind enthusiastically."

By now, Anders and Garrett had finished their snacks, and Garrett took their plates into the kitchen. When he returned, he clapped his hands together and grinned evilly.

"Right, now that we've refueled, time to collect on my winnings..."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Anders found himself naked in the middle of the living room, bare ass sticking in the air. By mutual decision, they had foregone the coffee table idea, pushing it out of the way and switching it out for the much more comfortable ottoman. That was what Anders was now bent over, facing the television with his hands tied behind his back and a pillow under his knees.

"Anything pinching?"

Anders heard Garrett moving around behind him, then felt his hand stroking up his back.

"Nope, all good," answered Anders, wiggling his fingers and testing the strength of the silky scarves around his wrists.

"You look hot as hell right now," growled Garrett, and Anders could hear the grin in his voice. Then he pressed a small, plastic disc into his hand.

"Test the batteries?"

Anders clicked the button in the middle of the disc, and it buzzed loudly.

"Good."

It was actually a dog training buzzer from when Ferdinand was a puppy, re-purposed for sexier pursuits.

Garrett dangled something in front of Anders' face; the ball-gag they had decided to add last minute. They hadn't used it very much. Garrett loved hearing Anders when they had sex, and Anders didn't like wearing it for too long because it made his jaw sore. Tonight it seemed appropriate, though. (When exactly had their relaxed snow day become a soft-core BDSM session in the living room? Anders blamed Garrett.)

"Still sure about the gag?"

Seeing it right in front of him, Anders was starting to get excited. This may be his price for "losing," but this was just as fun for him as it was for Garrett.

"Yep," confirmed Anders. "I'll let you know if I change my mind."

"Signal?"

Anders clicked the button twice, two short, quick buzzes. "Two if I want the gag off." He clicked it again, holding the button down for a continuous noise. "Long buzz means stop. Remember the rules?"

"Take it slow, and no visible hickies."

Garrett moved around in front of Anders and knelt down, kissing him sweetly before slipping the gag between his lips.

"Oh, where to begin?" hummed Garrett, and Anders waved his ass cheekily. _Give ya' one hint, big guy._

"Well, obviously," laughed Garrett. Anders could hear him pop the cap on the bottle of lube they had retrieved from the bedroom. "Think I'll start by stretching you out nice and loose for me with a couple of the smaller toys..."

Anders jumped when a wide hand grabbed his arse-cheek and spread him open.

"So clean and pretty. No wonder you took so long in the shower this morning, naughty thing," hummed Garrett, kissing the base of his spine. As a doctor, Anders was very strict when it came to cleanliness ("Trust me, Garrett. You don't even _want_ to know some of the infections I've seen..."). That was just fine with Garrett, of course. It just meant he could do this...

Anders whined through the gag and arched his back as Garrett touched his tongue to his twitching hole. Keeping him spread open with his thumbs, Garrett prodded the tip of his tongue insistently against his entrance until it parted for him, then drove his wriggling tongue inside. Anders wailed and pushed his hips towards Garrett’s face. Too soon, however, he pulled away and patted Anders’ arse affectionately. Anders swore incomprehensibly through the gag, and Garrett admonished him playfully.

“Language, darling. Besides, we can’t have you going off before the main event, right?”

He leaned backwards to grab the cock-ring from the small pile of toys he had assembled on the couch.

“Straighten up, dear,” instructed Garrett, guiding him with a hand on his shoulder so he was sitting up on his knees. Kissing his husband’s jaw, Garrett cooed, “I _lo-o-o-o-ve_ you,” while Anders huffed through his nose and rolled his eyes. He slipped the cock-ring around the base of Anders’ half-hard cock and pulled it snug.

“Alright? Not too tight?” asked Garrett, and Anders nodded. Kissing his stubbled cheek one last time, Garrett pushed him gently to lean over the cushy ottoman once more. He retrieved the lube (the nice, expensive stuff, as requested) and one of their smaller dildos. He set the dildo aside for now, nearby and within reach, and squirted a generous amount of lube into his left palm. The self-warming goo began to heat as it touched his skin, so it was nice and warm when Garrett scooped some up with two fingers and spread it around Anders’ sphincter and between his cheeks, making sure the whole area was plenty slick. When he started probing his entrance with one finger, Anders moaned and pressed his hips backwards to breach himself on Garrett’s thick index finger.

“Easy, love,” soothed Garrett, slowly pushing in to the second knuckle. He was still slightly loose from the night before, and took the single finger easily. Garrett was a little jealous of the ease with which Anders opened to his fingers and cock. It always took forever and a great deal of patience to prepare Garrett whenever he bottomed, whereas Anders was practically ready to go the moment he spread his legs (okay, so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but it certainly felt like it). Before long, Anders was up to two fingers and rocking into each thrust of Garrett’s hand.

“That’s it, babe,” hummed Garrett. Deeming him ready for the next step, he grabbed the dildo and slicked it up with the remaining lube in his hand. Then he reached around and gave Anders a few, slow strokes, drawing a low, muffled moan from behind the gag. After wiping his hand on a towel he had gathered with the rest of the supplies, Garrett pressed the slippery, rubber phallus to his entrance.

“Breathe in... and exhale,” he instructed. On Anders’ slow, outward breath, Garrett pressed forward slowly, until the dildo was seated to the base.

“So sexy,” whispered Garrett. “You’re gonna look so goddamn sexy when I get the big one inside you. Then I’m gonna take the ring off and fuck you until you come. Then, after that, when you’re all fucked out and boneless, I’m gonna paint your loose, gaping hole with my come and lick it off you.”

Anders whined, high and reedy, arching his back like a bowstring, as Garrett’s words were accompanied by slow, twisting pumps of the dildo. Garrett gradually sped up his thrusts, his gut tightening at the sight of his husband’s slippery hole flexing with each push and tug. His cock was rock hard inside his pajama pants, and he squeezed himself every so often to relieve the ache.

He immediately froze, however, when Anders clicked the buzzer twice. Gently pulling the dildo out and setting it hurriedly on the coffee-table, Garrett moved around to tug at the straps of the gag.

“Are you okay, love?” he asked in concern, wiping the drool from his chin with the back of his hand. Anders smiled weakly and stretched his jaw.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he assured his worried husband. “My jaw’s just getting sore is all.”

“Okay, we’ll leave the gag off, then,” nodded Garrett, kissing his forehead. “I like hearing you scream, anyway.”

He moved back around and grabbed the dildo. “Now, where were we?”

* * *

Half an hour later, they had graduated through two more dildos of increasing length and girth, and Anders was a babbling mess beneath him.

“Oh, fucking _shit,_ Garrett,” groaned Anders, canting his hips up desperately. “Holy fuck, please, I’m ready!”

Anders was so hard it was nearly painful, his cock dribbling steady droplets of white pre-ejaculate. He had lost track of how many times his body had tried to come, only to be thwarted by the damned ring around his cock. It was both bliss and torture, and he was approaching his limit.

“You sure?” asked Garrett, ever mindful of his husband’s safety. Anders nodded wordlessly into the ottoman.

“Alright,” said Garrett breathlessly. It was getting increasingly difficult to watch Anders writhe and moan beneath him and resist the urge to just pull out his cock and start fucking him blindly into the faux-suede of the ottoman.

With something near reverence, Garrett lifted the gigantic, purple dildo from the couch and held it between two hands.

“Beautiful,” he smirked, kissing the bulbous, rubber head. Twisting the switch on the base, he tested the brand-new batteries he had put in beforehand. The dildo hummed loudly and vibrated in his hands. Satisfied, Garrett turned it off and began thoroughly coating it in lube. He did the same for Anders, making sure he was freshly slicked, both inside and out.

“Gar- _rett,_ ” whimpered Anders, his knees shaking. Garrett kissed the freckles between Anders’ shoulderblades.

“I know, baby,” he soothed. “No more teasing. Ready?”

“God, yes,” grunted Anders, and Garrett laughed. He pressed the head to Anders’ stretched entrance, testing the give with a gentle prod. He parted easily, and Garrett relaxed a little, pushing forward to pop the head past his guarding ring of muscle. Anders hissed through his teeth and tensed for a moment, but relaxed after several, long seconds. Very carefully, Garrett pressed the dildo inside a few more millimeters, then withdrew to the head, repeating as he advanced by slow centimeters. The toy was about the same girth as Garrett’s cock at the head, but swelled towards the base until it was nearly as thick as a soda can at the grip. The ridges along the top and bottom were designed to drag across the prostate with each pass, and it had several vibration speeds. About a quarter of the way down, Garrett checked in with Anders.

“Still holding up?”

Anders nodded, making a wordless sound of affirmation. He had stopped moaning and swearing shortly after they began with the big dildo, descending into that floating place he went to during their most intense sessions. He was vulnerable in that state, blind to everything outside of pleasure and sensation, sometimes to the point of forgetting things like pain and safe-words. It was up to Garrett to monitor that knife-edge between _more_ and _too much_. He inspected Anders’ hole where it was stretched around the toy. Slightly red, but not alarmingly so. Still, he stroked his finger gently around the rim, satisfied that the answering yelp was one of surprise and pleasure, and not pain. Good. He knew that Anders had been with men in the past who had taken advantage of that vulnerability, and was careful not to become another.

Halfway down, Anders was shaking like a leaf and rocking his hips weakly in time with Garrett’s thrusts. After another check-in, Garrett asked if he could start the vibration, or if it would be too much.

“Start slow,” Anders gritted out. Garrett pressed the buzzer into his hand again, just in case. When he turned the vibrator on to its lowest setting, Anders practically screamed. His cock was bright red, and Garrett wrapped his hand around it, squeezing his over-sensitive flesh gently without stroking. He was almost at his limit. Soon, he would give Anders’ his long-awaited release.

“God, you’re so sexy, so good for me,” complimented Garrett, pumping the vibrating dildo a little faster. “My beautiful, perfect man. You’ve been so amazing and patient. Don’t worry, just a little longer and you can come. Can you do that for me, Anders?”

“Yes,” panted Anders. “Anything for you, Garrett. _Ah, fuck, nngh..._ I love you...”

“Love you, too,” murmured Garrett, rutting his still-clothed erection against his thigh. He released Anders’ cock for just a moment to turn the vibration up to half-speed. Bracing his hand by curling his fingers around Anders’ hipbone, he pumped harder, pressing deeper inside. When he felt the other man jerk and spasm beneath him, he knew he hit the right spot. With his free hand, he reached between Anders’ legs and released the catch on the cock-ring at the same time that he pressed the dildo hard against Anders’ prostate and held it there.

This time, Anders did scream.

Burying his face into the ottoman to muffle his cries, Anders screamed himself hoarse as he came explosively. Garrett stroked him through his orgasm, which seemed to go on forever. When he finally came down and sagged bonelessly against the cushion, Garrett slowly slid the dildo free and turned it off. Now painfully hard himself, Garrett pushed his pajamas down to free his erection. Spreading Anders’ cheeks open with his thumbs, he marveled at the loose, gaping hole dripping with excess lubricant.

“Holy fuck, you look so amazing,” breathed Garrett. “Can I? I’m so close. Are you too sore...?”

Anders shook his head and tilted his hips in invitation. It wouldn’t take long for Garrett to find his release. Hurriedly slicking himself up, Garrett took himself in hand and lined himself up. By comparison, his cock was much less impressive than the rubber monstrosity Anders had just taken, but even if he wasn’t as tight as he usually was after being so thoroughly stretched, Garrett didn’t care. His hips thrust quickly, too close to draw things out.

“Fuck, Anders,” he panted. “Fuck, so fucking good... Gonna come soon...”

After only a dozen or so jerky thrusts, Garrett pulled out and pumped himself rapidly as he climaxed, groaning lowly as he painted Anders’ cheeks and hole with his come. Seeing his seed drip down his husband’s crack and into his puffy, open hole, Garrett’s cock gave another weak spurt that trickled down his fist. _Fuck, that was hot..._

For a moment, all Garrett could do was collapse weakly over Anders’ back and place feather-light kisses over whatever flesh he could reach. Then he remembered that Anders was still tied up and probably coming down from his high, and he straightened stiffly. His hands shook as he untied the silk scarf around his wrists, gently massaging the tender flesh. Then he reached for the towel and began gently cleaning between Anders’ legs. Garrett’s promise of licking his come from his thighs would have to wait until another time, one when he wasn’t almost passed out from exhaustion.

“Talk to me Anders. You alright?” asked Garrett gently as he stroked Anders’ back soothingly. Anders grunted wordlessly, and Garrett chuckled.

“Words, darling. Are you sore anywhere? Is it okay if I run to the bathroom for a damp cloth to clean you up?”

Anders tried twice for words before hoarsely mumbling, “I’m fine. More than fine. Go ahead.”

Garrett kissed his husband’s soaked hairline before standing and padding naked into the bathroom for a washcloth, which he wet with warm water. Returning, he gently cleaned the lube and come from Anders’ skin and hole, making him hiss with discomfort.

“I know, I know,” soothed Garrett. “I know you’re still tender, but you know you’ll be pissed at me if I let this stuff dry on you.”

That taken care of, Garrett gathered Anders up in his arms and carried him to the couch, where he threw the blanket over the top of them for a well-deserved cuddle. After such an intense session, Garrett wanted to make sure Anders was alright in his head. Not always, but sometimes, Anders crashed hard after coming out of subspace and needed reassurance that Garrett wasn’t going anywhere. He seemed pretty coherent this time, but he was never too careful.

“You were absolutely incredible,” said Garrett, carding his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you. Was it good for you? Was any of it too much?”

“Almost,” admitted Anders. “There were a couple moments it was almost too intense, but you never crossed the line. It was amazing, though. I haven’t come that hard in a long time.”

“I know,” laughed Garrett, jostling Anders where he lay across his chest. “We may have ruined the ottoman upholstery.”

“Lemon and seltzer water,” yawned Anders, snuggling into the wiry hair of Garrett’s chest. “Later.”

Garrett chuckled and tilted Anders’ chin up for a kiss. “Hey. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” smiled Anders. Then his stomach growled, and they both laughed.

“Hand me that plate of tacos,” ordered Anders, knowing that Garrett would spoil him for a little while longer. Groping blindly, Garrett’s hand closed on the plate laying on the ground. Lifting it, he made an unfortunate observation.

“Uh-oh, only one left...” he muttered.

“ _Garrett,_ ” whined Anders, making a grabbing motion towards it.

“But I’m hungry, too,” pouted Garrett. Anders poked insistently at the furry chest below him. “Gimme, I’m hungrier.”

There was a moment of pause, before they both grappled for the plate, wrestling awkwardly on the couch for possession. With a triumphant cackle, Garrett held the cold, slightly soggy morsel above his head.

“Hah! I am once again victorious!” he declared. Sticking out his tongue, Anders muttered, “Jerk,” and waited for Garrett to devour his spoils. Then Garrett laughed and stuffed the mini-taco into Anders’ surprised mouth.

“See? I take care of my pookie-bear,” he beamed as Anders laughed and tried not to choke. Then the couple settled in for a real nap. They were both still hungry, but that could wait. Right now, all that mattered was the snow gently falling outside their window, and the warm blanket laying over the top of them, where they curled up together in lazy relaxation. Soon enough, there would be dishes to wash, papers to grade, and a dog to walk. Right now, however, there was just the two of them. Just two naked, sweaty dorks in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Good golly gosh, it's been about a year since my last post! Jeepers, I'm rusty! Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this silly, light-hearted attempt to get back into writing. I've been involuntarily sticking to lurking over the past year after being diagnosed with carpal tunnel, but I've got that mostly under control and I'm anxious to get back into writing. I've labelled this as part of a series in case any of the half-formed plot bunnies I've got for this universe take hold, but I don't have any solid plans for a follow-up.
> 
> (Also, in case anyone caught the vague references, the made-up game "Castle Crashers" is loosely based on "Gauntlet," which is a silly, completely plotless and addictive muti-player kid's game.)


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